


5 - 1 = 0

by fox914



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, OT5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 04:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17801330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fox914/pseuds/fox914
Summary: 4 times Seungwan notices their pain & the 1 time someone notices hers-“Although she takes care of others well, it worries me. When others see Wendy, they only see the bright sides of her, but as a person who sees her every day and talks to her, I see the parts of her that are broken and hurt. Wendy can have a weak heart at times.”—Irene





	1. part i: joohyun

The night engulfs you. There’s no sound save for the light snore coming from the top bunk, where a bear lies in sweet slumber. But you yourself couldn’t find the bliss of escaping reality. Not yet at least. You were too occupied with waiting for someone.

The seconds tick by. 10:46 PM.

_She should be back by now_ , you think.

And less than ten minutes later, you hear the front door open, light footsteps making their way down the hallway. It stops. You wait.

_Shoes off._

And there it is again, the footsteps, but this time quieter, a soft pitter-patter making its way throughout the dorm. You watch the light under the doorway, patiently waiting for the new person to enter because then you know for sure that the person came home safe and sound, physically and mentally, because the entertainment industry is so much more cut-throat than it makes itself out to be and you just have to make sure everything’s okay. Only then would you allow yourself to sleep peacefully.

_Please be okay_ , you hope.

But all hopes were dashed the moment you hear a sniffle, a sigh. The footsteps come closer and you shut your eyes quickly, pretending to sleep, just in time as the door creeks open quietly and the figure moves towards the single bed across from your bottom bunk.

You listen to the careful movements of blankets before the bed dips and you know the person is now lying in bed in what you hope would be in some split-yoga position because that meant that everything was okay.

But everything wasn’t okay because you hear a sniffle, and another, and another. A sob is choked back and that’s all it takes for you to kick the covers off and make the short distance to the other bed where the person lay in a fetal position, back facing you.

You want to slip under their covers quickly and hold them tightly against you, to whisper words of reassurance or whatever the figure needed. But for a minute you stand there, watching as shivers rack the figure’s small, huddled form.

_Joohyun-ah._

Gently, you lie down on the cloud-like mattress, immediately greeted by the warm, comforting smell of the special fabric softener that the older girl loved so dearly. But that’s not what you came for and you swiftly turn on your side, left arm moving under the pillow, right arm wrapping the sobbing girl into a tight embrace. You pray that your body, your warmth, _your presence_ , was enough to console the sobbing girl, enough to protect her tonight, tomorrow, and every day because you knew that Joohyun was just so kind, gentle, and fragile. If something happened to her, what would you do?

The sniffling lessens, Joohyun’s arm moving to wipe any trace of tears away. If she was trying to be discreet, you didn’t say anything. All it mattered right now was the girl in your arms.

_Joohyun._

“S-Seungwan-ah?”

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.”

Joohyun breathes a soft shaky sigh of relief.

“Did I wake you?” she asks.

Joohyun was the one crying into her pillow three minutes ago, and yet she’s asking you if she woke you up, as if there was something wrong with you and not the other way around, because she was Irene, Red Velvet’s leader and Goddess of Peace, and concern was something leaders were expected to have. But right now, she was Bae Joohyun‒kind, gentle, and fragile Joohyun who was scared of puppies and kittens and all you want is to hold her in this moment, protect her as much as your slightly smaller body can manage.

“No,” you reply.

Joohyun sighs knowingly.

“Seungwan-ah, did you wait up for me again?” the older girl asks, even though you both know the answer to the question, and unlike the two spawns of Satan, you would never dare to lie to the older girl.

So you answer her with a simple, “Yes.”

She turns around to face you and with the faint moonlight through the window, you can see the faint shine of remaining tear stains on her face. You cup her cheek, thumb wiping the wet lines away, your gaze never leaving hers.

“What happened, Hyun-ah?”

Joohyun lets out another sniffle, prompting you to hold her close again, her head moving to the crook of your neck, allowing you to bury your nose in her hair and you breathe in the lavender conditioner that you relate to no one else other than Joohyun because anything purple will always bring the older girl to your mind.

You repeat your question.

“What happened, Hyun-ah?”

You feel her breath on your skin and you look down as she moves her head up to look at you, eyes red and puffy, making you wish you had the power to return them to their natural dark chocolate brown.

“I messed up at the recording today. It was awful. It wasn’t even a small mistake, but a big one. I forgot my line and stood there. Everybody saw… ”

Another choked sob.

You bring her close again, Joohyun’s head fitting in the crook of your neck like a puzzle piece, her tears slipping from her face onto your collarbones. You whisper words of reassurance, words of “it’s okay” and “everything will be alright” repeatedly. But it doesn’t work.

You reluctantly pull her away to make her look at you. And you whisper as calmly, strongly, and caringly as you could to make her listen.

“Bae Joohyun, one mistake is not all you are. It _does not_ and _will not_ define you.”

The girl’s mouth moves to protest but you cut her off because you weren’t finished and the older girl needed to hear, know, and understand your message. Because too many times has the girl in front of you helped you and the others, took care of you and held you, whispering kind words like you wanted to do now. So you do what she would if the situation was reversed.

“There’s so much more to you. So much that you are and will be. You’re our leader, our unnie. You’re a homebody who loves to iron and do the laundry for some reason I have no idea of. Half the time, you’re a grandma, and the other half you’re a five year-old child. You iron Yerim’s uniform every day. Do you know how proud she is to wear it, knowing that her Joohyun unnie ironed it for her? You buy chicken for Joy, even though it makes you sick because of your chicken trauma. You were there for Seulgi during our trainee days, when she wanted to give up because seven years is a long time. You can cook seaweed soup. You love red bean ice-cream and other ancient foods. You beat me in arm wrestling. No idea how you did it.”

A smile begins to form on the older girl’s face. You keep going.

“So this mistake, compared to all that you are, is nothing. And you know what? Mistakes are made because then we can learn from them to better ourselves. We’re human. Nobody’s perfect. And don’t tell her I said this, but Sooyoung-ie isn’t perfect either, despite how much she thinks she is.”

She chuckles quietly at this.

“Joohyun-ah, never let yourself hang onto a mistake like this. Learn and move forward. That’s all anybody can do. If you don’t, you’ll be stuck and the world and everybody in it will continue on without you.”

The older girl looks away ashamed for a minute but you weren’t finished.

“But you know what, Joohyun?”

Her eyes return to meet yours.

“If you ever fall behind, I’ll always be there to pick you up. And we’ll move on. Together.”

With that, you hug her closely, allowing yourself to now fall into a much-needed sleep. You said what you wanted. But just before you drift off, you hear her whisper softly.

“Thank you, Wan-ah.”

You respond simply by holding her closer and you know she knows that it was no problem to you. She settles into your arms and you feel her body relax.

Sleep greets the both of you and the next morning, you wake up to find her still in your arms. Tear stains that once shined on Joohyun’s face were dry and you take in the sight that you wanted most to see after last night.

Joohyun, with a soft smile on her face, peaceful as a sleeping angel.

You smile as well and close your eyes again, falling back to sleep, feeling content.

This moment right now, you wanted to hold for a little longer.

The day can wait.


	2. part ii: seulgi

Aside from Joohyun, Kang Seulgi was one of the first people you met when you first joined the agency. You can recall thinking how pretty and thin she was. Later you found that she was much like a teddy bear, both in looks and softness. You heard her speak before you heard her sing and you thought her voice sounded like jingle bells, merry and bright, and her laugh made you want to laugh too. When you did finally get to hear her sing, you knew that she was someone you hoped to debut with one day because you wanted to make music with her and her mouth full of bells, both beautiful through and through.

Your two years of training were hard but you had the bear-like girl by your side at times and that made everything a little more bearable (pun intended), having someone as genuine as her for a friend. And after all, Seulgi had seven years under her belt. If she could go that long, you could too. At least you hoped.

But then, out of nowhere, Seulgi would pop up and give you her special eye smile (the one that was truly bright, not the one that the company taught her, and not the one that she put on for others to mask her exhaustion) as she passes you a bottle of water and leans her sweat-filled head on you and you find that you don’t mind in the slightest when you know that, at one point in time, such thing would’ve grossed you out.

Correction. Kang Seulgi made things _much_ more bearable.

You don’t deny that those two years of your life were full of sweat and tears, some not your own but you experienced them all just the same. One memory, however, will always stick in your mind.

Late 2013. Around August. About a year before you would debut, but you didn’t even know it at the time. Seulgi, dear lovable Seulgi, ended up on search engines‒Naver, Daum, Nate, etc. ‒and for what reason exactly?

Kyuhyun sunbaenim.

All because he mentioned her on broadcast. You didn’t see it for yourself, because as a trainee you simply didn’t have time for the luxury of sitting down and watching television, but you overheard it from others. Out of curiosity and worry (for the bear-like girl), you snuck onto one of the computers in the media room. A few clicks here and there an‒ ah-ha!

You found it. There. All over the search results were the words “SM Trainee Seulgi” paired with “Super Junior’s Kyuhyun.” There were even images of the bear herself.

But upon reading the articles, all very similar in information and exaggeration (no thanks to the hosts, whose words reporters play up), you didn’t know whether to breathe a sigh of relief or simply frown.

The article was simple enough. It talked about how Seulgi (dubbed the 2nd Taeyeon) ( **Taeyeon unnie sunbaenim I love yo-** ) was a trainee who had caught Kyuhyun’s sunbaenim’s eye. Of course, this was all from the reporters’ brains. The senior idol really only said that Seulgi was “okay,” which one could beg to differ because Kang Seulgi is anything but “okay.”

She was extraordinary. If there was a word greater than extraordinary, it should be the name Kang Seulgi.

_If only she knew it herself._

And then, in that moment, you felt a presence behind you. It was familiar, the aura normally kind and comforting but right then it felt…distant. And you didn’t like it one bit.

You turned around and met the sight of the bear herself, but said bear carried none of the charisma that she usually had, nor did she even bother to fake a smile. That’s how you knew something was wrong.

You wanted to ask her about the talk-show, but you knew that if she wanted, she would’ve come to you first and brought it up herself. You knew your place. You knew where the line was and you didn’t dare to cross it.

However, you did allow yourself to speak but she beat you to it.

“I know…about the broadcast. Manager unnie told me…”

You said nothing. She continued.

“And I know most of it is for media play…I know that I shouldn’t pay attention to it...I know that I shouldn’t be reading the comments that people are writing…”

Dark brown orbs became wet with the sign of tears and you so badly wanted to prevent them from escaping‒escaping down pale cheeks and to the floor with a silent plop. But you stay silent.

Seulgi continued.

“I mean some were good but…the others…it’s just‒p-people can be so cruel, you know?”

Her voice cracked. You flinched.

“They say we should k-know what we got ourselves into the minute we signed that contract but…we-we’re still human. We’re still human, aren’t we?”

Seulgi’s feet began to pace but you stayed still.

“Just because we’re here, in this industry…it doesn’t mean we’re any less like them. We’re still human. And words hurt….

They hurt so much, Seungwan…”

Next thing you knew, the charismatic Kang Seulgi was reduced to a sobbing pile of limbs on the cold, unforgiving floor.

“Still human…still human…I’m still… _human_.”

You had two options. Number One: Joke about the girl’s existential crisis and say, “Silly, of course you’re not human! You’re a bear!” and pray that it would make her laugh or Number Two‒

“Did you know that no two individuals are exactly alike?”

Seulgi looked up at you confused, her sobbing reduced to sniffles at the randomness of your fact. But you got her attention and you moved from there.

“It’s true. Everybody in this world, every 6-plus billion of us, is different and unique.”

You sunk down to your knees to be closer to her.

“We all have qualities that make up who we are. And although we’ll have some that are similar to others around us, there will always be something that sets us apart.”

She looked at you in doubt but before she could say anything, you continued.

“We grow up in different environments with different backgrounds, different statuses. We grow and we learn in different ways. Then we become adults and we set off to make our mark on the world. But at some point, a few people will lose their way. Maybe they get back on track, maybe they don’t. But that doesn’t make them any less human.

So no, being here, in this industry, working hard towards your _dream_ doesn’t make you less human.

And you, Kang Seulgi, are more human than anyone I know. You make mistakes, but you learn from them. You fall, but you get back up. You stumble, but you keep going. And even during all of that, you’re always there for others. You teach them. You move them. You push them forward.”

The bear next to you looked down at the floor in attempt to hide stray tears.

“Sseul, do you know how I know all of that?”

The girl only shook her head, eyes trained on the floor. You took her hand in yours, entwined them, and looked down fondly.

“I know because you were there for me. You were then, and you still are now.”

Seulgi looked up at you, finally, and opened her mouth to reply, but you cut her off.

“If I have to be by your side every day to remind you that you’re _still_ human, that you’re _still_ you, the clumsy, charismatic Kang Seulgi, then so be it. I will.

I promise.

Kang Seulgi, you’re stuck with me.”

‒

The next day, you snuck a can of Pringles through the building (because you hoped it would bring some happiness to a certain bear, and what the trainers didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them) and when you saw the charismatic bear with sweat beads on her forehead, body sprawled out on the practice room floor, right arm over her eyes to shield her from the relentless lights overhead, you nudged her foot gently to alert her of your presence. When she moved her arm to see who it was, you handed the red can to her with a smile that (you hoped) meant more than words could convey.

_I’m sorry you’re going through this. But just know you’re not alone._

_You have me. Always by your side._

_I love you._

Seulgi didn’t say anything. She simply pulled you down to the floor and into a warm embrace that only a teddy bear like her could emit and when you broke apart, she gave you a smile.

Her eye smile.

And that time, you knew for sure it was real.


	3. part iii: sooyoung

You wonder when it started, when you began to call yourself her number one fan. 

Was it at that one fan meeting, when you received a shirt with her face on it? How proud you were to wear it, you can recall. (But you can clearly remember the bright smile and joyful laughter that matched her name.)

Was it because of how the younger girl carried herself, with an impenetrable aura of all that was cool and holy?

Or perhaps whenever the young Satan manages to protect you and the other three, despite being the second youngest.

When did it start?

Looking back, you realize then. That moment that a majority of celebrities have to deal with. You know it well, for you've experienced it before in your younger years, and being in this industry, you expected it as you stepped foot into the bright world of glitz and glamor. It's happened at least twice now (though of course it doesn't hurt any less each time). It's that moment when you go online to see what your fans are up to, to check up on how your group is doing in the public eye, but you come across articles with some not-so-nice comments and utterly cruel words that make you look down at your stomach, examining every inch of flesh, pinching and prodding. Next thing you know, you're looking at your arms and thighs. Then you check your cheeks. Are they chubby? Looking down at your stomach again, the thought flashes through your mind, _Do I have abs?_

It's toxic, you know. It's something like this that can kill a person's self-esteem. Crazy how a few words can hurt a person so much. But you know the feeling and you've dealt with it.

But with her, you wonder if she ever has.

Park Sooyoung, Satan's spawn (or possibly even Satan) had the confidence you wish you had. Even just half of it. 

How the younger girl was able to flip her hair and charm every person in the vicinity, you don't even know. And you couldn't forget the girl's sense of humor; she could have you laughing for days. Not to mention, Sooyoung had grown up well. You watched her grow in your short time as a trainee, dancing and singing alongside her, chasing after the same dream. Soon, the young teenager grew into a young woman who radiated this beauty that was a mix of chic and youthfulness. Whatever it is, you're proud.

So when you notice her dark moods (that didn't stem from reasons concerning Satanic sacrifices or anything along that line, thank God), you begin to observe. She looks at her phone more often now, and you guess that she's probably waiting for a call or text. But you discard that guess because she frowns every time she takes even a glance at her phone. Sometimes you find her glaring at the computer that's set up in the living room. What vendetta could Satan have with a piece of technology?

In addition to these findings, the strong air of cool and chic of Miss I'm-Perfect-Bow-Down-To-Me-Peasant was practically nowhere to be found. You haven't heard her compliment herself in a week, and that's saying something considering how much the younger girl likes to look at her selfies and comment on how pretty they are.

But then you see her eating less and less, even forcing herself away from chicken one night. Chicken! She loves chicken!

Throughout all of this, you begin to theorize but by the end, you hope and pray that you were wrong. But you weren't.

It's when the younger girl nearly faints during dance practice that you know you can confirm your suspicions.

You wait for Joohyun unnie and your manager to leave to get food, Seulgi and Yerim plopping themselves down near the AC in the far corner of the practice room, before you make your way towards the despondent girl laying on the couch, nursing a bottle of water close to her chest, the same way she's been doing for almost two weeks now. (You know because you counted and each day pained you with the sight of Sooyoung suffering silently for the same reasons you did before.)

All you want is to kidnap the girl and bring her back to the dorm so you can cook her a full course meal fit for a queen, just so the paleness and exhaustion and the misery would just disappear from the girl's face.

But instead, you resort to sitting down on the hardwood floor near her head. One of you has to break the ice, and it just happens to be her.

"Are Joohyun unnie and Shosho unnie coming back soon? We can't practice without unnie..." 

"Sooyoung-ah, let's talk about you for a sec, hm?"

You know it'd be best to cut to the chase otherwise you'd never be able to. Aside from Joohyun unnie, Sooyoung was the other member who had a hard time expressing her deepest thoughts.  _Much like yourself_ , you think ironically.

The younger girl only avoids your question.

"Forget it, I'll do it by myself."

She moves to get up, but you push her back down gently. You both needed to have this talk, now.

"No, I need you to listen to me."

Your stern tone had her looking back at you slightly confused but she gave you her full attention.

"You've been upset lately, I can tell. I mean, you keep glaring daggers at every computer and cell phone you see. You're pale and tired. You barely eat anymore, not even my baking. And chicken! You love chicken!"

Her eyes move away and you know she knows she's been caught red-handed. You continue.

"Does all of this have to do with what people have been saying online?"

"How did you know that?"

Her face is straight but you can see the tears in the brim of her eyes.

"I've dealt with this before...It hurts, I won't lie to you about that."

It's true, you have. You can remember being twelve and looking at your friends wondering why you couldn't be slim like they were. Seunghee, your older sister, was practically the embodiment of a model daughter that every parent would kill to have, while you were the cute chubby-cheeked younger Son daughter. But back then, looking at your friends and your sister, you didn't want to be cute; you wanted to be beautiful. Then you grew up, became a trainee, worked out and trained vigorously and now you look beautiful. You feel beautiful too, yet a few unkind words from a random person online is capable of turning you back into the chubby twelve year-old who loved to bake but could never portion herself; you feel ugly again. So yeah, you know the feeling.

"Park Sooyoung, do you know how beautiful you are? Because I can list a thousand ways you're beautiful. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Besides, it's not like you've ever listened to them before, so why start now? After all, you're Park Sooyoung!"

She's quiet, contemplating your words.

"Nobody said this industry was easy. There'll always be people that we just simply can't please. But don't waste your breath on what they say. You're hurting yourself because of it. We can't please everyone, Sooyoung-ah. You have to know that. And you know what? All of us here, we think you're perfect the way you are. Never change. Unless you want to, of course. But do it for you, not for anybody else. At the end of the day, it's how you see yourself that matters.

So, please. Please don't do this to yourself again...Please."

Silence falls between you two. You wonder if she even got your message when she looks at you and opens her mouth to speak.

"Unnie...you can only list a thousand ways?"

What?

She's looking you with the face of Satan again and you know she's back. You slap her playfully and that's when Joohyun unnie comes in with Shosho unnie, both carrying bags of snacks. You stand and pull Sooyoung up with you, tugging her along towards the goodies, and you smile proudly when she grabs an armful of chip bags (and a can of Pringles which had Seulgi yelling in protest until Yeri produced another red can from the stash).

You hope that things will be okay from here on out with this issue, but you don't doubt it's appearance in the future. 

 

The next night, you enter the kitchen after your shower to find the others digging into boxes of chicken (except Joohyun unnie, of course, for the eldest member chose to eat pizza instead). You seat yourself between Joohyun unnie and Sooyoung, scanning the boxes for some plain chicken, only to find spicy wings in practically every box. A frown makes its way onto your face before disappearing almost instantly when Sooyoung places a whole box in front of you.

"Here's the original flavored chicken. Unnie can't eat spicy food, so I ordered a plain box for you," she says simply, as if she didn't just touch your heart with her kind gesture.

Your mouth stretches into a smile and you say finally, "Let's just share it."

Sooyoung smiles at you, and you both know you're grateful for the other, even if neither of you express it much.

 

Now you know when you became her number one fan. But most importantly, the reason why.

Because as her number one fan, you'll be able to make sure she knows just how beautiful she is, inside and out. And if she doesn't, then you'll be there to tell her, donning your fan-given shirt with her face on it.

Park Sooyoung, you're beautiful, and don't you forget it.


	4. part iv: yerim

_She's too young._

That was your first thought when you found out that Yerim would be added to the group.

Sixteen years old and fresh-faced, Yerim was determined to show the world what she could do; it's what she's trained for and this was her chance.

But _she's too young._

You repeat this in your head whenever you see her get ready for school in the mornings, knowing that she'll meet with the rest of you after her classes are over. (You take one look at her in her uniform and try to smile, but you know that the modest uniform consisting of a standard button-up shirt, tie, blazer, and skirt will become a shorter bright stage outfit, possibly baring her midriff for all the world to see.)

You repeat this in your head whenever you see her collapse into a pile of sweaty limbs after a long dance practice, knowing that any other average teenager would be hanging out with their friends. (Not spending their time dancing for three hours trying to perfect a routine.)

You repeat this in your head whenever you find her up late at night determined to finish her homework, because the younger girl knows the importance of getting an education despite the fast-paced career she works. (This makes you proud, knowing that she still tries to implement some normalcy in her life when you both know that neither of you have lived normal lives the minute you both debuted.)

You repeat this in your head whenever you find her having her rare, sudden bouts of sadness when she misses her family. (Nobody — a child no less, she's still a baby — should be away from their family for so long, you know this well.)

You repeat this in your head whenever you see or hear hurtful words and cruel comments about her that you pray she'll never see. (But she does because, who doesn't, and in this industry it was bound to happen but that doesn't mean it _should_ because she's _**SIXTEEN**_ damnit and people shouldn't be this mean, to a teenager no less.)

(You nearly snapped during one of the group's Naver V broadcasts when a netizen commented one of the most vile things you've ever seen written about another human being, but she saw it too and the cameramen were still recording so all you could do was feel helpless on the inside as you tried to brighten the mood, which was hard when you could clearly see that her mood dimmed drastically.)

Kim Yerim was too young for this industry. You feel the same way about the other young tweens and teens who entered this field hoping to achieve their dreams of becoming world-class stars on huge stages at sold-out venues. You know that their childhood or whatever's left of it is being taken from them with each passing day of training, and they're probably too blinded by the thought of stardom to realize it. But you were like them too, still are actually. After all, it's why you auditioned in the first place — to become an artist that could bring people together with music and your voice.

Yerim is no different.

Honestly speaking, Yerim always manages to surprise you and prove you wrong whenever you think she's too young.

Because whenever she changes from her simple school uniform into her stage outfit, you find that she makes them work to her advantage, that she still retains her youthful image that no short or provocative outfit could strip her of because it radiated from her.

Because whenever she collapses into a sweaty pile of limbs onto the practice room floor, she's still smiling and laughing, her love of performing never wavering despite the exhasution.

Because whenever she stays up late to finish her school work despite the full schedule the next day, you realize later that her efforts paid off for she brings home papers with high marks. (You take them from her backpack when she isn't looking and put them on the fridge for everyone to see because you believe that her hard work should be recognized; she smiles when she finds out what you did; Joohyun unnie only wonders why she didn't think of it first.)

Because whenever she misses her family, she'll cry her heart out before looking at the rest of the group when she's done, a content look on her face, before saying, "But I have my family here, too, so it's okay." (You all cooed at this and engulfed her in your embrace, her bell-like laughter ringing from the middle of the group hug.)

Because whenever she reads cruel comments about herself, you expect her to react — to cry, yell, get angry, or lock herself in her room — but she doesn't; instead she lets them fuel her determination to prove people wrong, to work even harder, wanting to bring happiness to people and refusing to let some cowards online get in the way of her going for her dreams. (She's professional. Young, but professional, you realize this now.)

As you look back on these reasons, you find that you proved yourself wrong. Well, partially. Yerim had her own role in it, of course.

See, Yerim may be young, but not _too_ young. And for someone like Yerim, age doesn't get in the way of her going after what she wants. She wants to be a singer, so she'll work for it. (But if Yerim decides that she wants a boyfriend, then that's where you have to draw the line because no, just no. Not your Squirtle.)

It's in Yerim that you see that age doesn't define a person's maturity level. It doesn't determine their lot in life. It doesn't distinguish their experiences from someone else's. Because people, whatever age they may be, determine their path in life themselves.

Yerim just happened to find hers before others.

So although, to the world, she'll always be Red Velvet's Hello Kitty loving Squirtle Yeri, to you she'll forever be Kim Yerim, the young girl you watched grow into a beautiful young adult who you're thankful to be in a group with and had the fortune of meeting.

You wouldn't want it any other way.

"Unnie! What are you thinking about? You had a strange look on your face again!" Speak of the young devil.

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing. C'mon, unnie will treat you to some ice cream."

"And ddeokbokki!"

You laugh, nodding at her demand.

"And ddeokbokki."

There was nothing wrong with being young.

Yerim taught you this.


	5. part v: seungwan

Before you lived the life of an idol as Red Velvet's Wendy, you were Son Seungwan and you pretty much lived a relatively ordinary life. Well, kind of.

At the pre-teen tender age of twelve, you moved to North America to study abroad, spending some time in Minnesota for middle school, before going to high school in Toronto, Canada. It was exciting, you don't doubt this, but you were away from your family for two years until you were fourteen and they moved to Canada two years later to be with you.

(You don't realize that this was basically practice for when you're forced to be away from them indefinitely a few years later when you're signed to SM Entertainment.)

You take on the name Wendy Shon during your time in North America, leading the life of a regular teenager. You played sports (golf and soccer); you were an active member of music clubs (show choir); you even dabbled a bit in the theater department (and by dabble, you mean you ended up as the lead in one of the school productions). Your family was practically picture-perfect: a proud mother and father of two daughters who excelled in whatever they did. You won't deny that your family is well-off, though you are modest about it (and very thankful for everything you have). And like any other teen, you had your own insecurities; being a little on the chubby side didn't help with this but people never bothered you about it and you were _happy_.

Everything was normal.

—

Never in your life would you ever think that your voice would end up being your kryptonite, even if it was an unconscious thought. Your voice was what enabled you to express yourself in ways that simply speaking wouldn't allow because it just didn't cut it; because singing conveyed everything in you — your struggles, your pain, your happiness — it was _everything_. What would you be without your voice? It's what made you stand out. To the world, you're the tiny girl with the big voice; the girl who performed like a professional with over ten years of experience; the girl who packed her feelings into every lyric that escaped her lips. You and your voice, together you were one.

When it came to singing, you loved it with every fiber of your being.

The way it makes you feel, to lose yourself in the powerful lyrics that told stories and spoke of everything from heartbreak to friendship. It was so special, the feeling, that if someone asked you to explain it, you wouldn't be able to. You just know it was a feeling you always wanted to feel. And when you close your eyes as you imagine an audience in front of you, you sing your own story, putting your emotions into every one.

So when you were seventeen, you decided to audition at Cube Entertainment's Global Auditions in Canada. It took some convincing to get your parents to let you go but eventually you got their permission. You made it to the final round but you didn't make it.

(You look back and wonder if it was a blessing in disguise or a curse in its own right.)

A year later, you never would have thought that 2012 would end up being the start to your big break. SM Entertainment was holding their own global auditions and this time you were a year older, more mature. You auditioned and you passed. The agents told you to pack, that you'll be moving to Korea to begin training. In the midst of your excitement, you forgot that you'd be away from your family again, this time for an indefinite amount of time. You didn't remember this fact until the company's casting agents came to pick you up from your house to depart to the airport and you bid your goodbyes to your family without looking back.

(Your parents thought it was because you were looking towards your future, but you knew, deep down, that if you looked back, you never would've been able to leave.)

—

When the plane landed in Korea, you were awakened by the fact that you haven't stepped foot in the country since you were twelve. There was a lot to catch up on, a lot to learn. But you were determined; this was your start.

The jet lag didn't keep you from waking up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next day — your first day of training. You met the other trainees, some who might become your band mates one day (that is, if you would even debut but you didn't let this insecurity sway you). And without knowing it, you really did meet your future band mates:

Kang Seulgi, a '94-liner like you ("Hey! We're only born eleven days apart!") who resembled a teddy bear but had the stage charisma of a true performer. She was a long-time trainee, having been in the company for five years so far, in contrast to your one day there.

Park Sooyoung, a young trainee about five months prior to your entrance. (Despite her age, she towered you by at least three inches which didn't seem like much until those three inches became five and that's when you really started to feel short.)

Kim Yerim, an even younger girl who, age wise, was five years your junior but was your senior in the company. (Oh, the irony.)

And finally, Bae Joohyun, one of the oldest, if not _the_ oldest, of the female trainees. She stood out to you with her quiet demeanor and goddess-like beauty and you never doubted that God took his time with her.

—

You ended up training for only two years before debuting, and you thank your voice for allowing you the luck of only having a short training period compared to others. So when the dance instructor held you and Sooyoung back from your dance lesson one day, you were confused. She led you both to one of the many conference rooms, where Joohyun and Seulgi were already waiting. It turned out that the company was preparing a new girl group — and the four of you were going to be the members. A smile never left your face that day and many tears were shed among the other three, especially Joohyun and Seulgi, who held onto each other, sobbing tears of joy knowing that their years of self-doubt and exhaustion were over. The four of you were finally going to debut. Things couldn't get any better after that day.

—

If you had to be honest, you knew how messy your debut was. It was in the midst of multiple scandals within the company, which made all the negative attention pour onto your new group, named Red Velvet (which, unfortunately, got caught in a scandal as well). Netizens were commenting left and right, calling the group a cover-up to distract the attention away from the lawsuits the company was facing. But the four of you were determined to not your chances go to waste — you trained hard for this; you all did.

The days leading up to your debut were a blur, yet somehow you remember every detail. The nervousness you felt, the eagerness, the butterflies in your stomach, the worry of the group’s success, the late nights spent wide awake when you should’ve been sleeping for your upcoming schedules — you felt and experienced it all, but not alone, thankfully, for you had three other pairs of hands to keep you grounded and reassured.

One pair, specifically, never left your side, always entwined in yours.

But you were too busy dealing with all of your emotions to notice.

—

On the hot summer day of August 1, 2014, you stood, clad in your casual attire but with a large sign bearing your name pinned to your shirt, before the large platform as different staff and crew managers set up the stage — your debut stage. You could feel the eyes of some fans already seated in the audience, ears perking up when the familiar sound of African beats sound from the speakers, the sound manager doing a test run of the background track.

You close your eyes and let the feeling settle in you. That feeling of being at the broadcasting center, like many senior artists before you, getting ready for their own performances, when this would only be your first. For a moment, it’s only you and the music, a song of happiness flowing through you.

But then a hand slides into yours, warm and familiar.

Your moment is not broken, but rather, it simply gets a new addition and you welcome it with open arms.

—

You smile widely throughout your very first official performance, a derpy expression showing here and there if one caught it.

Your members laugh at this when the four of you watch the performance again for monitoring, or learning purposes as the company would put it. Body cringing at your slip up, you frown at how expressive you were, brain sure that it wasn’t what the media instructors meant when they said to express the lyrics with your face.

And then you feel a weight on your shoulders and a soft laugh, so you turn slightly to see Joohyun resting one hand and her head on you, smiling that gummy smile that made you smile too.

Maybe being expressive wasn’t such a bad thing.

(You later see the memes of you on Twitter and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry at how amazing your fans are.)

—

You meant it completely and wholeheartedly when you said electricity would flow through you with one touch from Joohyun. It confused, yet amazed you, how someone could have that affect. How she could press her fingers into the small of your back and you could feel the tension slipping away. It worries you how desperate you sometimes feel when she’s not near, not by your side like she always so often is, clinging onto you like a koala to a tree (a very short tree). For someone who loves skinship so much, you wonder why she picked you out of the whole group to stick by.

After all, Joohyun knew Seulgi the longest. Sooyoung was the youngest and the youngest always deserves the most care. (Later, when Yerim comes along, you know for sure the girl deserved it, especially.)

So why you?

Your thoughts dissipate the moment her hands find its way into yours again like it’s meant to.

It’s always your hand that you want her to hold most, because then you don’t feel like falling.

But even if you did, you knew she’d catch you.

—

Joohyun’s touch was like magic. Others would probably awe at this. (Sooyoung would just gag.)

You didn’t care; it was true.

It was reassurance in a physical form. If you could find a way to bottle the magic, you would. But then you shake your head at this because you never want to take the magic away from Joohyun.

It wouldn’t be fair.

It wouldn’t be the same.

—

“When I said I’d give all my love to you, I meant it, you know.”

Joohyun rests her head on your shoulders, sighing in content. You nod at her comment, but your eyes are focused on her hand entwined in yours. Like it always is.

Like it’s meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The people in the following story are real but not mine. Only the story's mine. Any similarities between this and another person's work is purely coincidental.
> 
> Author's Note: Finally posting to this after having it on another platform for a couple of years. I want to apologize beforehand if the girls seem OOC. I don't know them personally (sadly) so I wouldn't exactly know what they're like and I can only write by what they show to us fans regarding personality and such. ie please don't kill me if I don't write them "correctly." My only intention is to write a story based on the bond between the girls, (especially Wendy and Irene) bonds that, I feel, are so, so special. While I'm sure the other members notice Wendy's hardship from time to time, this story will be focused on the bond between Wendy and Irene. Please be kind. I will try my best to write it. I hope you like it. And also, Wendy deserves all the love in the world. And Irene. And Seulgi. And Joy. And Yeri. That is all. Thank you. Do comment and tell me what you think!


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